Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss,
I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a
Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a
little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus.
Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won.
Today, an elderly gentleman customer
decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling
not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail.
Today, I had my first open job interview, which
is when a group of applicants are interviewed
together. I also found out that despite being
great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and
make myself look like a complete moron when
I'm part of a group.
Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached
over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers
nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of
being "dramatic" and only let us step out after
I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit.
Today, I told one of my classmates for the
third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't
interested in going on a date with him. He just
looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you
up at 9?"
Today, I finally got a job so I could stop
missing out on going out with my friends
every weekend. Turns out I work only Fridays,
Saturdays and Sundays, and there's no way
Today, I showed up for my first shift in my
new night job; I now work at an apartment
complex in the day and a gas station at night.
It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in
the former happens to be my boss in the
Today, several coworkers think the operation
scar on my wrist is really a failed suicide
attempt, because I study design and
apparently, "Artists are suicidal, right?"
Today, one of my coworkers tried to convince
me to be a model for his "foot fetish parties". I
politely declined, just as I had the day before,
and the day before that. This will probably
continue every day, since our schedules are
Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so
I texted my boss to let him know about the
situation. He replied that it'd be good for my
continued employment prospects if I come
into work tomorrow.
Today, I started a new job at a family owned
business. About ten minutes in to training, the
mother and father started an argument that
ended in each of them storming off,
demanding a divorce.